Last time I wrote, I was in the midst of a strange period of waiting for my thesis to be marked. It was a challenging time, life continuing on while I waited, and waited. I'm happy to be on the other side of that agonising waiting now, and I'm happy to report that the wait was worth it. I successfully defended my PhD thesis, even managed to make a couple of (incredibly nerdy pun) jokes with my examiners! I'm now planning my graduation in December this year, and looking forward to celebrating with my wonderful and wide network of whānau and friends; because as anyone who's completed a doctorate knows, no thesis was completed without support.
I had friends who sent me baking, postcards while they were travelling, who were a sympathetic ear at various points. I have a partner who took a couple of weeks off work when I needed the extra support. I have a family who have listened to me even when I've been mad, grumpy, annoyed, frustrated, and I am so lucky to have people who have given, and continue to give, this kind of support. I only hope that I return the favour to people in my networks.
If you ever read back through the Maitland St Meals archives, you'll see quiet allusions to the all-consuming lab work that occupied my every thought for 7 years. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but scientists will know what I mean. Even when I was too sick with undiagnosed typhoid to find the energy to get out of bed every day to get down to the lab, I was thinking about sigma factors. On the holidays I took to Waihi Beach with my family, flying up to Auckland and being driven to the beach for some salty swims and sand between my toes, I always took my computer with papers to read. Even while making some of the early time-indulgent meals written in the early blog posts, while I chopped onions or boiled beans, I was thinking about new things I could try to optimise some of my experiments that weren't working as they should.
It's been nice to have the brain-break this year of not having to think about scientific puzzles with quite the same intensity - but now that it's been a good 18 months since I have done any wet lab work, I find myself missing it. I think this is a good sign that I'm in the right profession! And it's been nice to slowly realise that, despite the many challenges of being a young woman scientist, my innate curiosity continues to lead me down the scientific path.
However, I'm simultaneously creative. I've mentioned before my old poetry blog, which now resides offline and I'm its only reader. In June last year, after 2 years of collecting handmade mugs made by mainly New Zealand and Australian potters, I signed up for a ceramics night class at the art school at Otago Polytech.
I remember saying to my old flatmates once I had been accepted that maybe I'd hate making things out of clay, but I just wanted to make one mug. I ended up making many more than one mug, and I didn't hate clay at all, in fact, I loved it. Going to night classes last year for two terms was such a creative treat for my brain, particularly leading up to thesis submission in December last year. Each week I knew I'd have 3 hours on a Thursday night just for making whatever the hell I wanted (and whatever my skills would allow..!). Making ceramics is partly scientific, partly creative, partly muscle technique, and with a little bit of luck. It was the creative outlet I needed.
The other night I said to my partner R after making dinner that I felt like Maitland St Meals had come full circle. I'd just made a simple spring salad of blanched asparagus, tomatoes and red onion with a simple vinaigrette dressing to accompany dinner, then arranged it in bowls and plates I've made myself.
While it was a simple dinner, and while my hand-pinched bowls have some way to go especially on the consistency front, I was particularly proud to have dinner in "things I have made", and dear R dutifully stood over my arrangement to take the above picture (thank you).
This year I've been minimally employed, partly by necessity as I needed to devote time to amending and publishing my final thesis; and partly because when your skill set is as specific as mine is, finding a job can take a while. I've currently got several jobs, and I'm thankful for all of them, however none are regular enough to ensure I can always afford to pay my bills. This "freelance" lifestyle has its perks which I am trying to enjoy, but I hope I don't forget what it's like to have a constant worry about money and where it will come from and whether I should be saving more, and what large purchases do I need to make between now and Christmas, or now and March...
However, the flexibility in my schedule is also nice to make the most of. It's nice to have time to write more poems, to attend the newly-formed Ōtepoti Writer's Lab, to pinch a few bowls now and then. It's nice to have time to hang out with musicians, to develop my piano skills, to play a few gigs around town. I've been so thankful that I'm able to play the piano for people, and get paid for it - while it is work in a sense, it's also something that brings me a lot of joy. I'm thankful for these hands of mine with fingers that play, and shape bowls, and polish glassware at a bar..
I'm thankful too, for Ōtepoti / Dunedin, where I currently live. This year I have slowly discovered the music community partly due to my current living situation, partly due to my partner, and mostly due to having to find any way I could to make a bit of extra money. I've played regular gigs most of this year, and it's made me a much better pianist. Not so much in the sense of what I play, but more in the sense of where I play. I've practised performing so much I find I get less and less nervous before each gig now - instead I look forward to the delight of playing a piano / synthesiser; and the endorphin rush afterwards.
Playing the piano frequently has opened doors I didn't know existed - I've met some interesting and talented local musicians and learned so much from their generous insights into performing and playing; I've played the piano in a recording studio for a very talented friend completing her music honours album (it will be released sometime in 2020, exciting!). I feel very grateful for the small and generous community of musicians and creatives in this tiny Southern city I call home.
This year has not been without its challenges - but I'm learning that no good year ever is without challenge! As the year, and the decade, comes to a close, I find myself purposefully reflecting on this year with gratitude for the opportunities, for the people, and for the aroha given and received. I'm especially grateful to my parents, L & R, whose endless and unquestioning support and love gives me strength; and to my partner R, who allows me the space I need to be myself, all while loving me. He showed up to my PhD seminar even though we'd had a minor argument the night before; he's dropped my raincoat around to my old flat because the forecast was for showers; and he'll stay up cooking dinner when I am too weary to be anything but horizontal when I get home from a long day at work.
I'm planning on a tattoo to mark 2019 and its milestones..
Hopefully I will write a bit more frequently here - I have much to say, and much to share, but it isn't always simple finding the time.. See you soon.
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title from Belle & Sebastian - The Stars of Track and Field
I'm thankful too, for Ōtepoti / Dunedin, where I currently live. This year I have slowly discovered the music community partly due to my current living situation, partly due to my partner, and mostly due to having to find any way I could to make a bit of extra money. I've played regular gigs most of this year, and it's made me a much better pianist. Not so much in the sense of what I play, but more in the sense of where I play. I've practised performing so much I find I get less and less nervous before each gig now - instead I look forward to the delight of playing a piano / synthesiser; and the endorphin rush afterwards.
Playing the piano frequently has opened doors I didn't know existed - I've met some interesting and talented local musicians and learned so much from their generous insights into performing and playing; I've played the piano in a recording studio for a very talented friend completing her music honours album (it will be released sometime in 2020, exciting!). I feel very grateful for the small and generous community of musicians and creatives in this tiny Southern city I call home.
I'm planning on a tattoo to mark 2019 and its milestones..
Hopefully I will write a bit more frequently here - I have much to say, and much to share, but it isn't always simple finding the time.. See you soon.
----
title from Belle & Sebastian - The Stars of Track and Field
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1. Light through leaves on George St, 3/11/19
2. Outside | inside, Otago uni central library, 12/11/19
3. Dinner in my pots, 7/11/19
4. My hand and a blue candle R gave me in a ceramic vessel I made in 2018, 8/11/19
5. The Northern motorway overbridge in Ōtepoti, 3/11/19
6. Early morning sunrise from the lounge, 4/11/19
7. Closeup of my hardbound thesis after I picked it up, a rather surreal moment for me. 6/11/19
8. Me outside the graduate office before I went and rang the University bell (made in 1863), photo taken by fellow graduating Dr P. 6/11/19